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.. and I can remember every second of that, too. It's integratingtwo sets of overlapping personalities, making sense of two sets ofmemories, that's confusing. I can't be who I was and yet I am. I can'tbe who I am, either, and yet I was. I can't possible know the formerbut I do. The former can't possibly know the later, but I do.Confused now? Think about me. I'm trapped in a truth that's a lie andin a lie that's true. What I was and what I am have become indistinct;hazy; ambiguous.I remember kissing my wife goodbye and taking a taxi to theSleepShuttle station. The ride downtown was about 35 minutes, so Ireviewed the presentation I was to make for a very tony client inMarseilles who was in the market for a highly secret military systemfor an undisclosed Central African customer who preferred anonymity.I was in sales then. I worked for a company that has deep connectionsin a lot of places and knew people who might not want the United Statesgovernment to know them. A lot of this goes on. Kevin shook his head. “I’m so selfish!” he wailed. “Selfish? Fuck! She’s a fucking whorebot!” said Jeff. “But, look, Kev, if you really want to know what this Sindy is about, get her to talk about herself. Women like that, you know. They don’t like it so much if you just talk about yourself.” “I just hadn’t thought…” said Kevin guiltily. “Well, you do that then, Kev. It’s the decent thing!” This time Kevin left the Red Encounter with good intentions. He resolved to allow Sindy to talk this time. But when he arrived at Cyberwhore, he was too drunk to do very much at all except let Sindy fellate him and he was too exhausted after fucking her to make good his resolution. It was the same the next time. He’d had a bad day in the lab and just wanted a sympathetic ear. And the time after that, he simply forgot. Every time he left, however sexually sated, he carried with him the guilt that once again he’d not expressed the courage needed to get to know Sindy better. But, at last, he gritted.
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